is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
