? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
