this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize