I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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