ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
