We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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