1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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