If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
