I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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