I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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