how do flat chested girls get laid?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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