Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
