it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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