had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
