Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
