When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
