Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Randomize
