Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
