are you still at the devil's house?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
