Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I booty called her while she was in labor.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize