Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
