did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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