I seem to have left my pride at pride
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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