Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
