From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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