worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
