Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
