When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
