I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
