We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
