this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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