I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize