Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
