Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
