i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize