if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
