You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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