the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
