She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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