My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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