all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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