Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
