If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
