I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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