I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
