I can feel you judging me through the phone.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
