So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
