Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
