Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This baby is an asshole
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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