I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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