we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
