Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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