I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
