butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
