So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Even the bartender felt bad for me
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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