I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
