She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
