Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
