My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
