Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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