We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize