So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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