its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
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I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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