Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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