he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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