I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
