forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
this boner is exhausting
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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