just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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