I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I wear drunk well.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
