Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
