When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
