Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
