I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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