FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
