And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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