wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
