I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
