I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
