bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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