I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
