If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
