Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
