I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i think im in europe. pls send help
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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