remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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