My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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