She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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