Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
