I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
