Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
