you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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