No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
