I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
