I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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