Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You pole danced in your parka.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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