you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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