you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
