Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
