We're facebook friends in real life
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
