I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
