Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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