There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
