Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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