he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
