Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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