The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
