I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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