my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize